Shallow and Vapid

That's right.  If you're looking for insightful commentary on the election, our economy draining down the crapper, or anything else that requires reading something other than the Calendar section of the LA Times*, move on.  Not here.  Not today.  Not any day really because as I've mentioned before, I tend to get pretty worked up, and would rather spare y'all my crazy lunatic rants.  

Anywho...the gals over at 1249 are having one of their infamous bashes**.  This time around we're celebrating the time honored tradition of Homecoming.  Of course the first thing that comes to my mind is, "What am I going to wear?"

In a moment of brilliance, I remembered I saved all of my gowns from like every homecoming, prom, and pageant.  Sadly, the green velvet, cap sleeved, short dress, with tulle did not make it past freshman year.  WTF Cousin Jet, I know this monstrosity is languishing away in your closet missing out on all the great theme parties and Halloweens.  Knowing the mama was coming out in September, I begged and pleaded for her to make room in her bag.  Surprisingly, she actually remembered to bring all of them, throwing in the expected, "I don't see why I'm bringing these.  You'll never be able to fit into them."  

Without further ado, please dear friends help me decide what to  wear on Saturday!  And let me know like yesterday, because they all reek of my parents' wood stove, and I need to dry clean immediately.  Yes, I'm being cheap and only cleaning the one I wear.  Times are tough, money's tight, Wall Street's tanking, blah blah blah.    

Prom, junior year.  Worst date, and worst hair ever.  I had this horrible zig zag part with a bouffant mohawk.  No, I'm not joking.  Be thankful I don't have photos to share.  Ugh, and my date who wanted to go as "friends" tried to get fresh with me all night.  When I'd finally had enough, I called my mom at 2am claiming to be sick.  Also worn in the 1999 Miss Maryland USA pageant.  My mom's idea of the best way to keep me from gaining the "Freshman 15".      

Please excuse the wrinkles!  All these lovelies have been smushed in a bag for the past two weeks.  I wasn't kidding when I said they all smell like smoke.  This one is from sophomore homecoming, worn again for Byn's senior homecoming, and again by me for the Fair Queen Pageant.  Yep, Fair Queen, as in cows, pigs, corn and tomatoes.   

Senior homecoming, at a neighboring school.  I LOVED this dress!  I did not love the fact that I couldn't even wear undies because it's skin tight.  I might have to rule this one out due to the massive amounts of beer I plan on drinking.

Ok, technically this one was worn at the first wedding I was allowed to drink at.  I might have just broken up with the best man, and really wanted to piss his date off.  I might have taken shots of Jager at the dinner table with the only other single person there, and in front of my parents.  I also might have needed to be carried out of the reception, and I might have unsuccessfully tried to vomit out my car window while the car was moving.  It's possible that after that mishap, I passed out in my eleven year old brother's lap.  I think this might be the reason why he doesn't drink.  I think my parents should have thanked me for showing him the evils of alcohol.  I also think this dress knows how to have fun.  

Help please!

    

* Yeah right, like I'd waste precious brain cells on what I often describe as "the most poorly written publication of our time."  Washington Post all the way.  

** Please refer back to May/June for a recap of keg curls and table throwing at the Frat Party.

Pre-Weekend Update

First, many thanks to Katelin for well wishes on pastry school. One day I'll messenger over some sweet goodies to you. Only if you promise to share them with Ryan Gossling. Anywho, I'm officially applied and accepted, now I only need to figure out how on Earth I intend to pay for it. Because seriously y'all, pastry school is freaking expensive.

Nothing much going on in the World o' James this week. I went up to Seattle for an agency meeting that I spent pretty much all summer planning. Well, technically I spent about three weeks on this one, but there were multiple others including trips on seaplanes to British Colombia, private trains to Vancouver, and dinner cruises in Puget Sound that were cancelled. I kid you not. Having the freedom to spend nearly $30,000 on 30 people has pretty much ruined any chance I ever had of planning a small, budget friendly wedding. Not that I'm doing that. No pressure honey!

No big plans for the weekend. Softball on Sunday, a little H&M with Em and the family. I'm in the mood to bake some autumn treats for the office on Monday, so I'll try to get around to that. People have requested brownies. I'm beginning to think I'm the only person in the world who prefers brownies from a mix to the real thing. Maybe I just haven't found the right recipe?

The girls are hosting a homecoming party next weekend, so I may need some opinions on which dress to wear from my formative HS years. Pictures to be provided early next week.

It's Happened!

Baby (insert nickname you've been calling him*) Barker is here! Willam James Barker entered our world Sunday afternoon, surrounded by his parents, grannies, and oh about seven different aunties and uncles. Well, not really aunts and uncles, but all of our friends are so excited to share in little Liam's life.

Mommy did a great job, and all of us could not believe she didn't even break a sweat during her 40 mins of pushing. Em looked absolutely beautiful, and we can't help but feel a bit bitter that she made it look so easy! OK, maybe I'm speaking for myself.

Nick made sure to wear his Manchester United shirt in the delivery room, making sure the first thing Liam saw was his beloved soccer team. Judging by the way the little guy kicks and how long his legs are, I'm betting he'll be an amazing little striker.

Sorry for being a bit all over the place, but I'm still in shock that there is an actual BABY in our world. A cute, little, perfect baby. I'm so incredibly proud of his parents, and can't wait to take part in shaping Liam's bright future.


* Parker, Beau-Beau, Doo

Family Dinner

Starting this past Christmas, Kel and Da decided that we should try and do family dinner every once in a few. Say food and I'm there! So of course I showed up to Hanukkah rip roaring drunk. It was Em's fault I swear. Thankfully I redeemed myself at New Year's dinner, keeping my wine consumption to a minimum.

Since our previous two dinners were at Casa de BK Broilers, I opted to host in our small abode sometime in Feb. Noticing that there seemed to be a theme for each meal, I pronounced mine to be cheese and bacon. If you know me, you know that cheese and bacon are like their own food group. And I wonder why I need to lose a few lbs?

The Menu:
Bacon Wrapped Dates Stuffed with Parmesan

Four Cheese Macaroni with Pancetta (gruyere, cheddar, gouda, and fontina)

Roasted Brussels Sprouts with Pancetta

Beef Tenderloin with a Red Wine Sauce (no bacon or cheese here, unfortunately)

Chocolate Bread Pudding with Vanilla Bean Ice Cream (not here either, boo)

I think we all unbuttoned our pants at the table that night.

Now don't go thinking this is a typical dinner in the Jota household. We usually stick with chicken or fish with a veggie. Maybe a rice or potato, but that's not too often.

Last night we hosted again, and in honor of St. Patty's Day and my Irish roots, Jota helped me make dinner. What I mean is, he turned the crock pot on.

The Menu:
Fruit and Cheese Platter - including strawberries, grapes, starfruit, brie, chevre, and gouda.

Corned Beef with Cabbage and Potatoes

Brown Sugar Glazed Carrots

Spinach Salad with Grape Tomatoes, Avocado, and Balsamic Vinaigrette

Four Leaf Clover Sugar Cookies (Jota's mom sends us sugar cookies for every holiday. We got bunny and tulip shaped ones too.)

Afterwards, we jetted across the street to Cougar, I mean James Beach. From Urban Cougar...

"James Beach is a cougar landmark on the west side of Los Angeles. All wet-behind-the-ears cougar hunters would be well served to cut their teeth at this cougar institution. James Beach specializes in the Cadillac cougars that are on the fulcrum of becoming Trans-Ams. The crowd is usually solid and the after-parties are flowing. With an outdoor deck the Trans-Ams can be observed in their natural environment: cigarette in hand, mini-skirt, a tan that is 4 years shy of leather and a nose for partying. If all else fails, James Beach has the best French fries in the city and, oh yeah, my friend Daryl lives right around the corner."

Now, I don't know who Daryl is, but evidently he's practically my neighbor. Da was immediately pounced on by a manther, telling her, "You're the hottest bar in this bar." He then showed off his bling bracelet, and sulked away once she pointed out that it was CZ.

And that's pretty much where the story stops. Well, it's where it all gets too fuzzy for me to even try and re-tell. But we had fun. Lots of it. And we're doing Edward Forty Hands tonight. Liz is going to be the official pant unzipper-er.