So much to say...But I don't know what

I am not a happy girl. Lately it seems I've set myself on a vicious cycle fueled by booze, blackouts, accusations, hangovers, and apologies. Wash, rinse, repeat. I'm dreadfully angry, inexplicably hurt, lashing out in every direction, and placing blame on everyone but myself.

My first step, no more booze. Hard to believe I would drop the drinking for anything other than dropping a few pounds, but I know it's only making things worse. I'll be 27 in three weeks, and while I love the frat parties, bar cycles, and all day booze bashes at the beach, I'm too old to keep doing this shit every weekend.

Second step, get help. As in professional. Thinking this scares me. Typing it freaks me out. And saying it; makes me tear up.

So new goal? Stop being crazy, and start getting happy. Wow, I sound like a self help book already.

Whose Birthday is Next?

Oh wait, it's mine. Seeing how I was completely obsessed with the salted caramels from Fran's, I HAVE to make these cupcakes!

Such a Brat

DH's roomie made cookies last night, and there is a plate of them on my desk. My desk just happens to be the spot where people know to look for treats because, duh, I like to bake. However, I do not like these healthy, organic cookies on my desk. They're ugly. I don't know what they taste like, but people keep saying they're super sweet. And I do not want people thinking I make ugly, super sweet, organic cookies.

Say What?

So disturbing, but Dude, but I can't turn it off.

Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

First, Happy Friday! Boy am I ready for this beautiful weekend to start. Jota and I are biking down to Hermosa to celebrate three birthdays in what I'm sure will be yet another smashing good time. I will do my best to abstain from keg curls.

Mr. Jota had a rough Thursday, so instead of making dinner, I decided to take my baby to Naked Sushi over on Washington. With our seats on the heated patio, we had a lovely view of the drunkies bouncing between karaoke at the Whaler and 2 for 1 drinks at Cabo. In the middle of our people watching, I notice a girl standing in a metered space, blocking a car trying to park. Now this is Venice. I can tell you first hand that parking is a bitch. I've totally been that girl standing in front of my house waiting for Jota to pull around so he doesn't have to park a mile away. But this was different. This girl would not move. People are screaming at her, she's on the phone with her friends, and finally she moves out of the way to let the car park.

She doesn't stop there. The people in the car walk away, but this girl continues to chill by the car, presumably on the phone with her friends. She's nosing around, trying the handles, enough that the driver comes back over and has a few more words with her. All this time Jota and I are like, "Seriously? Doesn't this girl have anything better to do than be bitter about losing a parking spot? Where are her friends? Isn't she missing out whatever they're doing?"

So she sits down. Chats with some people. Laughs with some people. And then not one, but two fire trucks show up. And an ambulance. And a cop car. This fucking bitch called the cops, claiming she was hit by a drunk driver who broke her leg. The girl had one scratch on her knee that was scabbed over. They carried her off on a stretcher. At this point, I approached the girl driving the car and gave her my contact information to be used as a witness. Because seriously, I'm fucking livid that my tax dollars were totally wasted right in front of my eyes last night.

And yes, I just used "fuck" like 3 times. I'm pissed.

PS see my twitpic of one fire truck.

I iz a Trainwreck

I might have a problem, or two. One of them might be alcohol related. First things first, someone, anyone, take Berry away from me when I drink. Second, should I be worried that lately I black out every time I drink? On second thought, if Berry had not been hanging out in my bra all Saturday, I would have absolutely no idea what happened versus at least having the ability to check my twitter Sunday morning. Wow, that should be an ad, "Twitter, allowing you to black out and still remember your night since 2008."

So what really happened? Kel, Da, and L hosted a frat party at their house Saturday night. The boys played. I did keg curls. Keg curls. Like, curling an empty keg multiple times. I'm not going to be able to lift with my right arm all week. I knocked a table over with a bowl of chips. Picked up the chips, put them back into the bowl and said something to the effect of, "God made dirt, and dirt don't hurt."

I rubbed Em's pregnant belly, a day after saying that I wasn't quite ready for that. PS Em, it's a real cute pregnant belly!

Hung out with DH (Dawn H aka Vodka Dawn or VD for short.) Everything was fine for a bit. I'm not going into specifics, but let's just leave it at words were had. Mean ones. Hateful ones. Ones that made me wake up in the morning thinking, "Fuck. I am a bitch. It all needed to be said, but not in that way. Not in front of everyone."

So DH and I hugged it out over the phone last night. Shit's not all weird at work today. We joked that everyone in our incestuous little group will spend the entire week snickering about the "incident", and waiting to see how we'll act this Saturday in Hermosa. Except it's not really a joke. One of, if not the main point we discussed, is how our group gossips like a bitch. We all do, I do. And it's got to stop. So that's the story, at least what I'm willing to tell.

Mind your Potty Manners

Probably the only thing I will ever read in O Magazine...

Beware the Tinkler

Some girls in my office can't figure out how to flush the paper protectors after they use the toilet. Rude, rude, rude. And filthy. I'd hate to see their house, and that's saying something considering you can't see our bedroom floor right now because it's covered in clothes. We need to do laundry Jota!

New Month, New Goal

Just this morning I was lamenting to Jota that I haven't set a goal for myself this month. Debating what I was going to do, I realized I set this goal on April 1st, with a deadline of my birthday, June 17th. I like this idea of goal setting. In the new year, I have reached every goal I've set. Sometimes it's not in the time frame that I would like it to be, but I've still pushed myself to finish.

Example:
On Sunday, I had some serious anxiety about not being able to complete the 5K, but fear of having to run another to meet my goal pushed me not only across the finish line, but also to run an extra 2K because the course wasn't properly marked.

Hmmm, can I do ten pounds in six weeks? Even if I lose a healthy two pounds per week, that's really pushing it. I guess this means less drinking, better eating, and more cardio. Man, I hate cardio.

Total Moral Dilemma

Logged into the bank account this morning and noticed I have $600 more than I thought. Turns out the US Treasury automatically deposited my "economic stimulus". While I know they want me turn around and spend it, and I really want a new surf board; Jota brought up a point that has me conflicted. Donate to charity. What's a wannabe surfer girl to do?

Guess I need to find a charity, other than myself.

Twitter dee this

Twitter dee that. Lately, I've been using the shit of of my Twitter. Maybe it's because of the berry, or maybe I'm actually starting to embrace technology. Jota, please ignore that second part. I'm still a firm believer that electronics fall under the "Man Jobs" category along with trash and pest removal.

Either way, I've been updating a fool, and even recruited my dear sweet Byn. Along with the updates comes seemingly random additions to my blog roll. Sometimes, when I get bored at work, I just click on random pictures, see if that person has a blog, and if I like their blog, then I follow them. Is that kind of internet stalker-esque?

I've found that I typically follow girls, and the range is far and wide. Some are newlyweds, some engaged, some single, some older, some younger, and some just plain fun. I see a piece of my personality in each one. And while I have no idea who these people are, I feel connected to them and their daily lives.

Goodness, I'm a cheese ball today.

Oh and PS

Goal #1 of the month...reached! Defintely can rock the sz 28 7 for All Mankind denim skirt that Byn gave me 5 years ago. Woot Woot!

Summer Lovin'

I feel I've proclaimed summer is upon us about five times already this year, but here I am again. The first proclamation happened when a car full of high school stoners got arrested on my stoop for hot boxing their car on Venice Blvd. Smart. The second when Robyn came into town, bringing warm breezes and the return of Sunday Funday. The third, our first trip of '08 to Big Dean's and the return of live music on the pier. I was wrong on all occasions. This past weekend was the official start of summer in Venice.

Why now?

One, I went swimming this weekend. In the ocean. At night. With the dog. Obviously alcohol was involved.

Two, Da planned our first Venice to Santa Monica Bar Cycle of the summer. Started at the Whaler, hit Baja, Bar Jota (potty and beer break), James Beach, then Bitburger, Big Dean's, and King's Head. Please see my twitter for random, drunken updates.

Three, Sunday Funday has returned in full force. Le Deb calls on her way to the beach, "Uh, are you home? (pause) OK, good. Can I stop by to use your bathroom? Yeah, I'm like right outside."

After watching the Wizards lose to the Cavs, Jota and I made our way to the beach (south of the big guard tower). It seemed that every 15 minutes or so, someone new showed up. By the end of the day we had about 10 chairs, and 10 blankets sprawled across the sand along with beach toys and gossip mags.

Four, it was fucking hot out. Like 90 hot. It's April people. Venice only gets two or three super hot days a summer, and that's usually in July or August. Jota came home from band practice last night to me, sprawled on the couch in boy shorts and a tank with the fan on high. Even Duff was too hot to snuggle; he was passed out under the coffee table.

Five, I ate the most disgusting shit all weekend. Quesadilla for lunch on Sat, burger and fries for dinner. At least ten beers, one mojito. Smoothie (yeah!) and a Choco Taco for breakfast Sunday. Another burger and fries for dinner with two beers. At least I did Cindy and pilates this weekend. Officially on a detox this week.

I haz an internet stalker

Her name iz Robyn.

Weekend in Review

Since this was our first weekend in April without guests, Jota and I planned on taking it easy. Thursday night I ended up at the gym for nearly two hours with LM. Crazy girl, but she's keeping me on track. Was going to hit happy hour at Sonny McLean's, but was happy to hear Jota wasn't up for it.

Friday was quite the busy one in the office, but I luckily escaped before 7:00pm. Amazing. My first out before 8:30pm on a Friday night in over a month! Score! Came home, made dinner, and hung out with Jota. Nice early night.

On Saturday, Jota had to jet to work for Mahalo Idol. I might have wanted to audition. Ok, I really wanted to audition. But didn't want to get the job only because I was shacking up with Jota Extraordinaire. I ended up chilling with Duff, watched The Princess Diaries 2, then eventually got showered in time for Jota to come home and chill on the stoop with me. Jetted up to Kel and Da's for some old fashioned grilling out. The ladies made delicious looking portobello mushroom burgers, grilled asparagus, and tasty veggie kebobs. There was lots of wine. And Corona. And Newcastle. Eww. And that's sadly all I remember.

Sunday was painful. We planned on spending the day at the Santa Monica Pier for the Green Apple Festival. Made it up there around 4ish? Got some new sneaks at the Promenade, and rallied to have some super sized beers at Big Deans. Missed Ziggy perform, but I heard he sucked and only played four songs. Biking home with the wind and cold was no fun. But I got some unintentional exercise in. Woot woot! Snagged some Chipotle on the way over to Drew and Liz's so the boys could have band practice. Watched Juno with Michelle and Liz, and practically pissed my pants laughing. I can't believe I hadn't seen it! And Jason Bateman, while I do love you, even I was creeped out with your sketchy, dirty old man character.

An Almost Culinary Success

I try not to bitch about work, but having Byn come into town was an issue. Work is pretty lax about taking a day here or there, plus they give us the week between Christmas and New Year's off. So when I submitted my form two months ago and told my boss I would be in town, I thought it was no biggie. I was wrong. Evidently, disclosing my lack of destination meant that I wasn't really on vacation. Meaning that when my boss decided that we were going to fly a candidate in to interview all day Friday, I was expected to come in. When I refused, she pressed for me to at least come in to handle lunch. Fucking bullshit. I flat out said no, resulting in the most awkward and stressful week before vacay EVER. A full week later, and she's still pissed at me.

To solve the lunch "dilemma" I asked a co-worker to sign for the delivery, and make sure that it was actually one time. She awesomely also did her best to keep my staff on track with interview times.

As a thank you, I made her this beautiful recipe that I found on Smitten Kitchen. I did the basic lemon/blueberry combo, adding an extra 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla and lemon zest. I have these super cute cupcake boxes that Em gave me, so I made muffins. No pictures from me though, I forgot to rinse my wild blueberries, and ended up with the dreaded purple muffin. At least her kids will appreciate the color.

Summer is here!

And I'm celebrating with a new 'kini! Super model not included.

Real Life with Byn and James

Byn: i want to come back. im over school already. find a way for me to get there.

James: it's called pack your shit up and move here. take 40 - w to 10 - w the entire way.

Byn: man i wish i could. i love your blog. it really entertains me in class which i greatly appreciate. I do think i should be mentioned more often. thats just my personal opinion though. it is sooo nice here today. back to the warm weather, which could be my last love of southwest florida. i think i am meant to be in venice. im scared that by the time i get there you and j will be married with 10 kids livin in the burbs, and not the burbs of LA.

James: Gross, do we really look like burbs people? You know our kids are destined to skate on the corners with the bums and have long, sun bleached hair.

Afterthought: Ten kids?! Bitch please, I can only imagine one. If I have a girl, I'll try one more time, and that's it. Plus, we all know I'm a bit too self centered to even think about having kids in the next five years. And it can't take five years for your ass to finish school and move out here. You can live in my closet.

PS - for a student specializing in English, you need to work on your contractions. LOVE YA!

Recovering, Barely

Just dropped Byn off at the airport for her trip back home to Tampa.  Really wish she would just pack her shit up and move out here.  It's great having someone around other than Jota that I can be my 100% obnoxious and bratty self without having to feel apologetic.  I mean, I'm not always super bitchy; it's just nice to be understood and not judged for it sometimes.  

Seriously hurting this afternoon though.  We somehow thought it would be a great idea to sit on the stoop last night with the neighbors and  drink three bottles of champagne, and ten beers.  And that was just for us. Needless to say, but I'm going to say it anyways, I have some serious working out to do this week in order to get myself back on track. 

I didn't set a goal for April, so I will now.  Two goals.  Big time.  One, I want to be able to wear a size 28 pant.  My weight loss is slowing, but I'm definitely losing inches now.  Sweet!  Two, I need to get my ass in gear to train for the Santa Monica Classic that I'm running on May 4th.  I want to run the entire 5k.  It may not sound too hard, but I have serious troubles running a mile on the treadmill.      

Some women can eat all the cake and ice cream they want, and never gain a pound

They are called bitches.

I saw my friend Annie the other night for the first time in ages, and I must say my heart gave a flutter when she said, "You look skinny. How much weight have you lost? How did you do it?"

It's true, I do look skinnier. I am skinnier. I've spent the past two months working my ass off, and it just starting to show that I've dropped almost 20 pounds off my short frame. My goal is another 10 - 15 pounds by my birthday, June 17th...mark that down.

So how have I done it? The hard way. The not so fun way. The old fashioned way. Diet and exercise. Spark People is pretty much the most amazing diet tool ever. DH introduced me to it's online food journal which charts anything you want. I currently track carbs, fat, protein, and fiber. I need to add sodium to that mix, but keep forgetting. Fixing my diet was the first step towards getting healthy. You can't really lose weight when you're chomping down burgers, fries, and quesadillas right? I watch my breads, and always go for the whole grains. The majority of my carbs come from fruits and veggies, because I try to eat the recommended amount everyday. It's harder than you might think.

A typical day's worth of food:

Breakfast

2 eggy cups

1 piece of fruit (ie plum, apple, orange)

Smoothie, made with frozen fruit, diet V8 juice, and fiber powder. I need to find a protein powder that's not all chalky.

Lunch

leftovers from dinner the night before

3 oz (picture a deck of cards) salmon/chicken/beef

1/2 cup roasted asparagus/broccoli/squash

Snacks

2 per day

light string cheese

1 oz almonds (Trader Joe's sells them unsalted, in individual packs)

3 tbs greek yogurt (high in protein, low in fat and sugar) mix approx 1/2 cup of fruit in with yogurt (berries, grapes, pomegranate seeds)

1/2 cup of edamame (good fats, lots of protein and fiber)

Dinner

3 oz salmon/chicken/beef

1/2 cup to a full cup roasted veggies

roasted potatoes/rice (these are for Jota, but I occasionally have some)

Dessert

sugar free popsicles

TCBY or Pinkberry if you're lucky like me!

more fruit (add splenda if necessary)

hot chocolate

tea

sugar free jello pudding cups (not just for Bill Cosby!)

Exercise wise, I'm still a bit lazy. It helps that my gym is in the building I work at, so I don't really have an excuse not to go. If I'm feeling particularly lazy, I force myself to do 20 minutes on the treadmill, and then I can leave. Usually I end up doing a little more, or lifting weights, but there have totally been some days where I counted down the seconds to 20 mins, and then quit. But that's better than nothing!

James' exercise schedule:

Monday/Wed/Fri

20 mins on treadmill

work abs

super sets with arms, shoulders, and squats

stretch

15 mins on bike

Tues/Thurs

30 mins on treadmill/bike/combo

mat pilates

stretch

Sat/Sun

walks with Duff and Jota

Kickball is on either a Tues or Weds, so I usually don't get any workout that day. However, the other night I biked with my flat ass tires to the game, bar, and home again. My thighs were quaking in bed.

Dating Cindy Crawford

Feeling lazy? Need that extra push? Go buy this workout DVD. My arms are so sore, putting on eyeshadow and mascara was a major accomplishment this morning. I'm planning on having a weekly date night with Cindy when Jota is at band practice or has a soccer game. No way I'm letting him see me flopping around the house doing lunges with kicks.

Speaking of the band, the boys played at Rusty's Surf Ranch on the Santa Monica Pier last night. Good times. I'm thinking Sunday Funday this summer is going to start at Big Dean's.