Thursday, May 29, 2008

So much to say...But I don't know what

I am not a happy girl. Lately it seems I've set myself on a vicious cycle fueled by booze, blackouts, accusations, hangovers, and apologies. Wash, rinse, repeat. I'm dreadfully angry, inexplicably hurt, lashing out in every direction, and placing blame on everyone but myself.

My first step, no more booze. Hard to believe I would drop the drinking for anything other than dropping a few pounds, but I know it's only making things worse. I'll be 27 in three weeks, and while I love the frat parties, bar cycles, and all day booze bashes at the beach, I'm too old to keep doing this shit every weekend.

Second step, get help. As in professional. Thinking this scares me. Typing it freaks me out. And saying it; makes me tear up.

So new goal? Stop being crazy, and start getting happy. Wow, I sound like a self help book already.

3 comments:

Ashley said...

You're strong.

I've been through this with my husband, so I know you're freaking awesome just for saying (okay, typing) those words. You ROCK.

It's best for yourself. And you deserve that much. :)

Robyn said...

i got your back girl!!! you know you can always call your bestest to talk... i mean i have spent enough on professional help i could technically dish it! love you!

Anonymous said...

i'm so proud of you james..it's hard to admit and hard to face when you feel this way...you are doing so well though, it's just a rough time and you will def pull through...you've got your bday and a summer of living at the beach to look forward to! i'm here if you need me, em