Thursday, August 28, 2008

Reason # 167 why I can't live alone

You know how they say everyone should experience living on their own once in their life? Not me. I'm no good at being alone. I mean like physically being alone. If left to my own devices, I'd probably become a hermit. A super messy, trashy tv watching, take out eating, wine swilling hermit.

Jota has been out of town for two days, and in that time I...
  • Checked the large closet, small closet, and shower 10+ times for crazy men who may have somehow come in through the chained door while I was in the kitchen making dinner.
  • Took the trash out for the first time in four months. I almost had to call him to find out where we keep the trash bags.
  • Left the recycling in our bin because I have no idea where the big bin is outside.
  • Loaded the dishwasher after making dinner. House rule: I cook, you clean. Sweet deal right? Not when it's just me. I'm a messy chef.
  • Walked Duff morning and night. Snuggled with Duff morning and night. Stumbled over Duff at the front door while he cried for Jota. Duff is not a one person dog. He's a needy bitch with the ability to drive anyone mad with his incessant need for love.
  • Walked to the liquor store to buy tampons, wine, and a pint of Ben and Jerry's.
  • Debated calling the cops at 2:00am because the bum kids were smoking pot on the corner. Oh and having dog fights.
  • Debated calling Jota at 2:15am because I needed to pee and was afraid to walk to the bathroom "alone".
  • Thought up excuses for why I can't bike to a concert at the pier tonight. Winner: "I'm baking for the office in celebration of the holiday weekend."
  • Tried on tons of outfits after drinking 1/2 a bottle of Beaujolais, leaving the majority of the clothes strewn around the bedroom.

Once upon a time, long ago, actually almost five years ago, Byn was thisclose to convincing me to move to Tampa for a few months before Jota and I came to Santa Monica. Girl, thank God you dodged that bullet.


Ashley said...

This is hilarious. And sooo much like me!

For some reason, I get so scared the INSTANT I'm alone in our house for the night. Seriously? Do I realllly think men will be lurking in the SHOWER all of the sudden!?

It makes no sense. (And yet, I still do it!)

Bayjb said...

That's really cute. You can survive living alone but you have to really discipline yourself from becoming a hermit. Sometimes you lose that battle.

Emily said...

When hubs is out of town, I sleep with a hammer by the night stand. A hammer! Talk about messy and fierce if I actually had to use it! I also strategically place large objects and squeaky toys on a trail leading from the sliding glass door down the hallway.. You know, so I'll hear the bad guys stumble on their way to get me... And possibly really piss them off

Byn said...

I could have taught you the ins and outs of living alone....I am a seasoned pro!