Parking Wars

So I might have yelled at a grandma the other day. I might have called her a bitch, and told her to go fuck herself and then play in traffic. I might have a bit of road rage. I might not give a shit because I did grandma a favor. I mean, if she seriously thinks she can get away with the parking lot shenanigans she pulled with me last night, she's in serious trouble this holiday season.

First, let's go over some parking lot ground rules.

1. Please use your blinker to indicate that you're waiting on a spot.


2. Please pull as far to the right as possible so that other cars can get around you while you wait.


3. If you're going to slowly drive behind someone while they walk through the lot, ask them if they're actually going to leave. Not doing so is just plain creepy.


4. Once you've passed a space, do not back up. Deal with it, and continue to wait patiently.

Last night I stopped at Joann's Fabric on the way to my work event. I pulled into the small, horribly designed lot, and holy crikey was it packed. I was actually still sitting with the ass end of my car out on Lincoln Blvd, that is how crowded the parking lot was. So I'm sitting, and I'm waiting. The car in front of me, obviously frustrated, austin-powered around to get out of the lot. So I'm thinking, "Sweeeet, one less person for me to wait on."

I pull in so I'm not blocking the sidewalk, and luckily a woman walks out her car, the spot at the end of the parking lot. Yes, this could not work out any better. Oh I thought too soon. Crazy Grannie (who's waiting at the top of the lot) throws her car into reverse, skidding into a stop, blocking the car who's trying to leave. Then she sticks her had to wave me along. Excuse me? EXCUSE ME! I sat, didn't move, kept my blinker on. The lady trying to leave starts honking her horn. I'm all, "Dude, I'm not the one blocking your exit."

Crazy Grannie is all, "Well I'm not moving, I've waited 30 minutes for a spot."

Please see my diagram if you're having problems visualizing the situation.

Me, better the bigger person and all, decides to leave, but not without unleashing the fury on Botox Babs. This Christmas season, I hope she runs into her friend Silicone Sally who drives a Range Rover while trying to park at The Grove.

A Secret Admirer?

Yesterday evening I decided to bike up to Main Street and get a mani pedi before meeting all of our friends out for the night.  It was just a tad chilly, the sun was shining, an absolutely perfect solo jaunt on little Miss Betsy (that's my bike's name.)  Walking out of the nail salon, I decided that I needed to move my bike closer to the bar area of Main Street, a couple blocks down.  In my basket, I found this...

Hi my name is Will and you rode by me today and I thought you looked so beautiful that I wanted to introduce myself...But you went into a shop before I could make a fool of myself.  I don't know how to convince you to call me, so I will leave it up to chance.  So...you can flip the coin to see if you should call...If not just know someone noticed the "light" around you!

So I'm thinking, really?  The only person I remember making eye contact with before walking inside was a father out for ice cream with his little girl and wife.  If he wasn't in the immediate area where I parked, how far did he follow me for, and how did I not notice that I was being followed?  

All creepiness aside, that little note was quite the confidence builder.  I would have called if it weren't for the coin business.  Yes, he left a quarter in the note.  I wonder if he knows he just paid for a third of a load of laundry?  

Da obviously found the notion romantic or at least intriguing enough to text the fellow, "My friend is taken, however I have a light of my own."

His response, "Not surprised!  Love is always worth risking something for though!  lucky guy...I hope it is awesome for her...Good thoughts and thanks for writing to tell me."

Dude does not even realize the hotness of Da that he just missed out on.  

Yes, I was on the booze last night.  No, I did not blackout.  I did however, have a rough time getting started on the bike ride home.  Maybe I did need that burrito.  

Best.Weekend.Ever.

Ok, maybe a slight exaggeration, but seriously one of the best weekends in a while. Friday night I dashed out of work to see Sex and the City with the girls. Everyone came dressed as their favorite character, which ended up being super cute. I had this great plan to wear a black backless dress with heels and a blue wig (you know, because Samantha wore a pink one when she had cancer...), but unfortunately I was stuck way late at work for stupid reasons. So I was all bitter, and nearly in tears (hello crazy), but it's ok because the dress I wore to work looked just like the dress Carrie wore in the book reading scene. Only less puffy around the neck.


Saturday morning Jota and I lazed around in bed with the Duff until 11 or so. Later in the morning we took off on our bikes, and headed to the Promenade for some shopping. Jota got some new sunglasses, and I found a super cute navy eyelet dress that was 50% off! Afterward, Barker met up with us for lunch at Barney's, where we got a super primo spot on the front of the patio. I seriously could have sat there all day. That is until a pigeon flew into the side of my head. Little fucker. That night we went out with Da and Kel for Laura's birthday. Sports Harbour is usually not my kind of bar, but when you're knocking back the Shirley Temples, nothing is more exciting than games! Played some Pop-a-Shot, watched some shuffle board, and almost got around to pinball, but ran out of quarters.


Sunday morning was a repeat of Saturday. Slept in late. Woke up without a debilitating hangover. Amazing. Ended up biking over to the marina to go to Kinkos for work. Work on a Sunday? Yes, because some people I work with obviously have a problem with time management. Whatevs. Luckily, DSW was nearby, and I found the yellow shoes I've been yearning for, at 40% off! Seriously, the bargain gods were totally on my side this weekend. Once we got home, I decided to give Duff his summer do. He's clipped super short, with a puffy tail, ears, and feet. Kind of like a circus lion from old cartoons.

Euro 2008 starts tomorrow? Or did it already start this week? Jota, help me out on this one. Either way, we're watching soccer and eating waffles starting at 9am tomorrow morning. I'd like to play some croquet by the beach in the evening. Hint, hint.

PS, I really intended to post this the other day, so obviously I'm way late on this weekend recap bullshizz.

Say What?

So disturbing, but Dude, but I can't turn it off.

Crazy, Party of One

Who had a total mental breakdown last night? Me. That's right, I sat in the bathroom for 30 minutes or so and cried myself into a sloppy puddle.

Why you might ask? Oh because I was watching 20 Wedding Dos and Donts, realized I wasn't even engaged, so I better change that shit before J gets home. Well, then I felt guilty for lying to him (since when is omitting information lying...good question) so I fessed up to my new addiction to all wedding shows. Platinum Weddings, Whose Wedding is it Anyways, and my favorite, Bridezilla. I've also started watching the travel channel religiously so I can make sure to pick the sexiest, most delicious honeymoon location EVER.

WTF is wrong with me? I'm in no rush to get married. I mean, it's not like I've planned out the location, my bridesmaids, what they're wearing, what my favors will be, what my dress will look like, how I'll wear my hair...because I HAVEN'T. Of course I have my ideas, and if you get me drunk enough I'd tell you what my colors are, what song we'll dance to (not telling, you might steal them), and some other stuff that I've seriously thought about.

I'm officially wedding obsessed. And that's fine...as long as I don't start bringing wedding magazines home.